PIE NOT 3.14!

Making pumpkin pie is HARD! Not just hard like trying to learn to ride a two wheeler or trying to get milk to squirt from your eye hard, those two things are easy compared to making pumpkin pie. Lets just ask the question when did pumpkin become food? I mean really it is not like you can put it on a pizza or have it in a salad. If you did have pumpkin in your salad you could probably call it oompa loompa salad because they are green and orange too.

I thought this pie thing was going to be easy I knew the two main ingredients. Pumpkin and Pie Crust! (duh) Off to a good start I thought this would finally be the year when I was a Turkey Day Hero. Have you guys seen that trophy?? Off I went to get the ingredients the store has this pumpkin pie filling in a can, but why would I use that with this whole natural foods movement going on. NO I pledged that my pumpkin would be real. So I found a pumpkin farm and I found the mother of all pumpkins, it was about 34.3lbs. I was thinking that was probably plenty of pumpkin to go around.

Speaking of the word pumpkin how come sometimes it is spelled pumkin, do we only spell it like pumkin when we are referring to washed up strippers and ratty whores? I am very unsure of this protocol any clues? I will stick with pumpkin because my pie was determined to not be a cheap whore....remember I used real pumpkin not that cheap canned crap.

So back to making the pie. I pretty much had to chop the life out of my beautiful pumpkin and really only used about 3% of the pumpkin, the rest I decided to freeze for next year with a before and after picture. I wanted to remember what it once looked like and what it looked like after the pie process. I chopped and chopped until my little sausage fingers could not chop another chop, I also skinned the pumpkin because I figured it was like an orange the skin would be icky. I also wanted my pie to resemble a sunset the way an inside of a pumpkin does I didn't want it to look like an orange pie the way it would have if I left the skin on, YUK UGLY!

Finally the chopping was over and I put the pumpkin I chopped and shoved it into my pie crust. Thank Goodness it was pre-made because I have no idea where you can pick nature made pie crusts it sure is not at the pumpkin patch. In the oven it went for 1 hour at 375 degress that seemed to be a pretty standard setting. I also added a cup of sugar and a stick a butter because that is always what Paula Dean dose to make things better. Then the waiting began! I waited 10 minutes and got bored and went to go think of a Halloween costume for next year it's been on my mind lately. So after that I went back to the oven and looked in. OH MY GOD this was a horror show! My pumpkin left the little comfortable home of the pie crust and oozed all over the bottom of the stove, maybe this was a raging whore pumkin after all. I am not kidding this thing had a mind of its own I turned the oven off, unplugged it, and wheeled it out to the sidewalk (that took two hours more). Did you really think I was going to clean that evil pumkin that had gotten all over the place? HELL TO THE NO!

With my turkey day hero status deflated to zero I went to the Thanksgiving festivities pieless. Let this be a lesson buy all your stuff at the grocery store pre-made do not look at the ingredients, do not buy natural, do not hurt your hands, and most importantly you will not look like a zero. Much love to all the pumkins out there working for the president (George Washington) I meant no harm!